Episode 128: Pasta al... something
Previously in Leeford Village:
Albert, the rampant lion, is finally captured. Pippa tells Harry that they need to get to know each other again. Justin and Jasmine are almost caught having an amorous liaison in the storeroom at Billy’s café. Cody and Agnes enjoy a reconciliation at the hospital. Frank includes ‘lion taming’ in his plans for the annual fête.
The casual observer, particularly one hailing from a great metropolis, might be surprised, if not amazed, by the ease at which village life returns to normality (if village life can ever be said to be ‘normal’), following a potentially catastrophic incident such as an escapee from the local zoo being on the rampage. If one were to record the goings-on in the village (why anyone would exert themselves to do that is beyond comprehension, though Jason Owens is making a good fist of it, by all accounts), one would record that relationships between those who have been together for eternity (Cody and Agnes), those who are in the first flowering of love (Jasmine and Justin), and those who have once loved and may love once more (Harry and Pippa) are steering a happy course.
Another relationship is steering its course in student accommodation in Manchester, where Zack Peterson is busying himself boiling pasta and chopping fresh tomatoes, following, to the letter, the steps taken by the famous chef he is watching on YouTube.
‘Basil?’ he says, halfway into the process. ‘Who on earth keeps basil?’ He searches the cupboards for something that might make a good substitute, settling for a pinch of something from a packet in one of Clare’s friend’s cupboards. Cheese is in plentiful supply and he grates copious amounts, spreading it on top of the pasta with a flourish. He sets the oven to gas mark 7, and pops the dish inside, not wasting any time preheating.
Thirty minutes later, the cheese is bubbling on top, as the famous cook accurately predicted. Zack removes the dish from the oven. It is at this point that he realises a wet tea towel is an efficient heat conductor and he drops the dish onto the floor. Fortunately, the dish is of a robust construction and does not shatter. The spillage is soon mopped up and the dish returned to the oven, the temperature reduced to keep it warm.
There is an anxious ten minutes (during which he opens and closes the oven door many times to check for burning) before Zack hears Clare enter the flat. However, she does not enter the kitchen as expected. Zack goes to her room, where he finds her frantically undressing.
‘Wow,’ he says with a grin, ‘you’re keen.’
Clare laughs and kisses him on the cheek. ‘Not tonight, my boy,’ she says.
‘Oh?’ Zack sits on the bed, as Clare wraps herself in a dressing gown.
‘Girls’ night out,’ she says. ‘I’m late. We’re meeting at the Pie and Pickle in town, and I really need a shower.’
She runs to the bathroom, ruffling Zack’s hair as she passes.
Zack checks on the dish. All is well, the cheese still bubbling and just turning a nice shade of brown.
When he returns to Clare’s bedroom, she is drying herself.
‘You were quick,’ he says.
‘I told you, I’m in a hurry,’ she says, running a brush through her hair.
‘But I thought we could stay in tonight. You went out last night,’ Zack says, disappointment in his voice.
Clare selects three outfits from the wardrobe. She holds them up. ‘Which one?’ she asks. Zack is staring at his feet. ‘Oh, never mind,’ she says, slipping into a tight green dress.
‘And you were out all of Saturday,’ says Zack.
‘Yes, but you were watching the football,’ says Clare with a hair clip in her mouth.
‘Only for a couple of hours.’
‘What is this, Zack? You’re beginning to sound like my dad.’
‘I just thought we could have a me and you night. I’ve made us a meal.’
‘Oh, Zack. How lovely. What is it?’
‘Pasta al…al…al something. It’s got basil in it.’
Clare laughs. ‘Basil? Where did you get basil from?’
Zack shrugs.
Clare paints on a touch of red lipstick.
‘If it’s pasta, it’ll keep,’ she says. ‘I could have some when I get back, though pasta for breakfast might be a bit much.’
‘Breakfast? How late are you going to be?’
It’s Clare who shrugs this time.
‘Don’t wait up,’ she says, kissing Zack on top of the head and grabbing her handbag.
Zack hears the front door shut. He lies back on Clare’s bed. This is not how he expected life with Clare to be. Not at all. And, half an hour later, when he rushes to the kitchen, the pasta al…something is not how he expected it to be, either.
~
‘What’s this?’ asks Agnes, extracting a piece of official-looking paper from an envelope marked: To the Householder.
Cody looks over her shoulder. ‘Oh, it’s the census form.’
‘Census? I thought we had one of those a few years ago.’
‘Yes, that’s the national one. This is for Leeford only.’ Cody grabs a slice of toast that has popped up out of the toaster.
‘Why?’ asks Agnes.
‘No idea, love. Frank is being a bit coy about this. It is legal, we have to do it.’
Agnes reads the questions.
‘What does he want to know?’ asks Cody, spreading a thick wedge of butter across the toast.
‘Just names and ages of the people who are living here today.’
Cody takes a bite of toast. ‘Jam,’ he says to himself.
‘There’s another question too,’ continues Agnes. ‘Do you think that Leeford Village should remain independent, or merge with Bordsley? What’s that about?’
Cody searches the cupboards for the jam.
‘In the fridge,’ says Agnes, absently.
Cody finds the jam and spreads it on the remaining toast.
‘I really have no idea. But put ‘yes’ for me.’
‘Yes?’ says Agnes, beginning to fill in the form.
‘Yes. Bordsley are top of the six-a-side walking football league. If we merged, we could get rid of some of our dead wood and take some of their players. Is there a box for ‘definitely?’ Cody finishes his toast, considers another slice, then decides against it.
‘Seriously, Cody. Why would we merge with Bordsley? What does that even mean?’
Cody puts on his coat.
‘Don’t know. Don’t care. I’m off to the wholesaler. I’ll fill in my part of the form when I get back.’
‘Why don’t you just sign it here and I’ll fill it in for you? It says we have to take the completed form to the post office.’
Cody takes the pen from Agnes and scribbles his signature on the bottom.
‘There. And don’t forget – put ‘definitely.’
He bends down and gives Agnes a long kiss.
‘What was that for?’ she asks.
‘Just because,’ he replies.
~
Zack is sitting in the kitchen, wishing he had not eaten the entire dish of pasta al…something. It was certainly not as good as it was purported to be by the famous chef on YouTube. There was a taste he couldn’t quite put his finger on which he attributed to the mystery ingredient he found in Clare’s flatmate’s cupboard. His watch pings to tell him it is two in the morning. At two-fifteen the flat door opens. He listens as one of the girls in the flat goes into her room. At three-thirty the door opens again. This time, Zack can hear voices.
‘Lovely to meet you,’ says a man’s voice.
‘You, too,’ says Clare. ‘And thanks for everything.’
Everything? thinks Zack.
He goes into the hallway, just as Clare is opening the door to her room.
‘Oh, hi, Zack. You’re still up. How was the pasta?’
‘Who was that?’ asks Zack, noticing Clare holding her shoes.
‘That was Richard. He brought me home.’
‘Brought you home?’
‘Yes. I missed the night bus. He recognised me at the stop as he was passing in his car.’
‘Recognised you?’
‘He’s in the same year as me. He’s studying philosophy.’
‘Philosophy? A geek then.’
Clare looks at Zack, quizzically.
‘No. He’s quite lovely really. I’m glad he happened to be passing. I couldn’t walk another step in these shoes.’
Clare puts the shoes under her dressing table. She holds Zack’s hands.
‘So, what have you been up to? Did you go out after tea?’
Zack releases his hands and sits on the bed.
‘No. I’ve been waiting for you to come back. Do you realise what time it is?’
Clare bites her bottom lip. She can feel the tension rising in her shoulders.
‘Yes. I do know what the time is. And?’
‘Well, you should have come home earlier.’
‘Home? This is my home, Zack. Not yours. And I’ll come home when I want to. God, you really do sound like my father.’
‘No, Clare. I’m just…’
‘Trying to stop me having fun! Well, I’m going to have fun. You can sit in your pipe and slippers and grow old, Zack. And make lots of pasta.’
She herds Zack out of the door and slams it shut.
Zack slumps to the floor.
Pipe? Slippers? He holds his head in his hands.
~
Agnes seals the envelope, having answered all the questions (putting ‘no’ for both her and Cody in response to the merger question). She walks to the post office. A few minutes later she enters Billy’s Café.
‘Hello, Agnes, what can I get you?’ asks Ethel.
‘Oh, a cappuccino, please. Have you filled in your census form?’
‘Not yet. I haven’t paid it much attention yet. What’s it about?’
‘Something to do with merging with Bordsley.’
‘Eh?’
‘Don’t ask me. I just took mine back to the post office, like it says.’
Ethel passes the cup of frothy coffee over the counter.
‘Thanks, Ethel. The strange thing is, when I got there, there was a sign on the door that said: Closed until further notice. Any ideas?
Ethel frowns. ‘No, love. No idea at all.’
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